The competition commission has warned Tesco to stop selling it’s suppliers’ souls for less than cost price.
The warning comes as more and more small and local suppliers who have spent hundreds of years selling their wares to local independent shops sell their souls to the supermarket giant.
One local brewery explained: “We used to sell good quality beer to retailers that knew what they were on about. We put our heart and soul into it.”
“But when the big boys come looking to buy a few more bottles but without the heart bit and even the beer part being optional, who can resist.”
However an almost normal-looking, but faceless spokesman for the supermarket giant said it was committed to helping smaller suppliers.
“We make it easy for suppliers like the one that sold local beer to branch out to selling their souls and to a much bigger audience.
“By selling below cost price we ensure our customers won’t need to worry about where to buy things from because our loss leaders make sure there is nowhere else.
“That said, we feel it is right that our customers should buy locally sourced food and drink. So customers in Leeds, Manchester and Birmingham can all get beer that was locally produced, in Wiltshire.”
“That is of course until we find another desperate supplier looking for a big profitless contract that will undercut them, then it will be locally produced elsewhere, probably China.”
The Brewery has now changed it’s position on supplying and said it is willing to get back into the local retailers it dropped at the drop of a mass-produced sweat-shop hat.
When asked why the sudden change of heart the brewery explained: “since we last spoke to you, two minutes ago, we lost the contract supplying beer to Tesco to Thames Water.”
